Me. At least after what I've been through.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
