you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
