Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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