I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
