in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
