OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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