so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
