I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
