on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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