So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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