I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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