I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
