Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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