I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
