I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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