Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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