Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
