The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
