mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
