what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
