I think I can smell my own vagina right now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
