i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
