Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
