dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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