Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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