STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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