Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
