Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
