I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
