What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
