Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
