Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
