Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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