Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
