i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
