She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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