so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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