So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
