Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
