she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
