I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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