Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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