I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
