He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
