K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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