Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
