Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
