I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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