Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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