D3 body, D1 cock
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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