I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
