508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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