Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
