I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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