Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
