Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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